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From the Other Side

                That ship has sailed.
        One lazy Saturday afternoonI swipe from left to right peoples response to the question What advice would you give to the person who is now dating your recent ex? I attempt to click exit but my fingers translated the gesture it's supposed to because it knows my brain needs a long hard slap on the face. I handpicked witty and relatable replies and let me share them with you:
         Dont catch the STD I secretly gave (a lie that will ruin the bond between them) muahahaha
Run for your life. RUUUNNN!!!
Be ready to be cheated on and he doesnt know how to love or commit to anybody. And if he can take the easy way out he will. So dont ever give him the opportunity to.
Dont believe a word he says. He knows how to charm his way into whatever he wants. At the end of the day, only his satisfaction matters to him.
Hes only going to use your weakness to take advantage of you. Dont show him all of your love just yet, because hell also lie to you.
Dont let him sexually touch you once. Hell do it again and again.
Enjoy my leftovers.

These responses arent so good. But at least they tell me that Im not alone in this journey; which actually confuses me whether I should be scared or proud of itthat I am not alone but other deserving girls are also fooled. I cannot recall what its like to be cherished by this one guy (not an ex boyfriend, but you may say ex lover.) Maybe all thats left was the unrequited and unwanted last painful memories we shared. I grabbed my phone to open Magic 8 Ball app and ask, Am I going to be okay soon? and it displays, Ask Again Later.

Thats all I pray to be okay soon. Because I remember how fresh the pain is from last week. It might seem pathetic of me to write a letter for my ex lover and his new girl, but I guess it might send a message to someone somewhere around the world that you shouldnt do my same mistake.

 xxx
TO THE GUY
A,
You know what bothers me? The more I try not to think of you, the more I wake up at 3 am and cry about the thought of you gone. You visit randomly in my thoughts, saying our last conversation, attacking me.  You appear in my dreams as a form of nightmareyou are winning me and why am I falling? No stop! I try not to be upset that the only thing that meant for you is how compatible I must be to you. Well relationships dont work that wayits more of compromise. For you thats toxic. If you dont want to do anything, just say it! Ill understand. You found a new one in less than a month that we last saw each other less than two weeks since we last had a decent conversation. I felt replaced, betrayed, forgotten, and taken for granted. However, its not an excuse for you. Youre better than that! Thats why I came back and forgotten about the actions you did to me last year and gave you another chance. You shouldve told me immediately that I meant nothing to you, at least anymore. I would understand. I will. Its true that I love you. I got furious that you directed me in false promisesthat I should wait until you graduate before youll commit. Because the thing is after two weeks, here we go again in the same story you with another girl, and I am left with my demons.  

I know its not your intention to hurt me. Its not part of your plan to have me tulala at everything I do. Its not a part of your wishes to have me pale, vomiting, and crying. You want me eating, living, breathing, and inspiring others. You do not intend to have me sobbing at every Pinoy movie, especially when our song plays, or when Piolo says, I almost died and everyday I wish I did! You dont want me looking terrible just because of your poor actions. You want me to pursue my big dreams as if youre just a pause in my life like an immaterial moment in the universe. I couldnt help that Im so affected with everything. I have moved on from last year but I asked myself if I truly love you why not give you another chance. So I did. And it began with mature and happy tidings and ended bittersweet. I make no sense at all as I decline my productivity within days. Now that I am shaken with the thought back to reality,I cling to the thought that maybe we arent part of each others realities.

I have stayed away from social media. After you left, my life started coming back to pieces Somehow I wish you were still there so I could share you the news! Thats how we used to greet and support each other. I wish I could forgive you now. I wish I could be happy for you now. I wish I could hug you and tell you go ahead and live a happy life! As much as I want to, right now all I could feel is hatred and disappointment. Not hatred for youbut for your immature actions. Disappointment for the idea that youre not the one for me, and for myself in letting me give you another chance, for convincing myself that youre better than what my gut tells me, for telling myself that your bad qualities are there but so are your good and it wont compensate who you are as a person. I have big plans this year and I kind of wish that you were still there so I could share you all the happiness I have. But I guess you dont want anything to do with me at all.

 I havent visited your social media profileno strength on earth could let me. Maybe someday I could unblock you, or like your Instagram photo, or email you that I appreciated having you in my life twice. I cant be happy for you now when we both know that youre not ready to love someone elsethat you once said to me I need to love myself first before taking a relationship. Sometimes youd tell me that you see no importance in having romantic exclusivity and I wonder what damaged you so much for thinking that way? When I see your eyes, I know you want to cherish, love, and pamper someone. I see how bad you went kilig for your crush/esLiza, Lisa, Cara, Karla, ohh boy they sound like the same names. Dianne, Dianna, Dana? Hahahaha. Okay Ill stop now.
I couldnt tell anyone how I feel right now so I apologize for using my blog as an outlet of frustration. Promise, there are seven billion people in the planet, not a hundred people could name you or identify that Im pertaining to you.

One thing I learned on getting back with you. Other than I adore having you as a friend with more than just a friend vibe, I realized that you cant beg God for a miracle thats not meant to happen. Whenever I think of ways we could cross paths, theres no other way we could cross paths (other than the library.) We have a different story, priorities, and although we have some similar past and plans for the future, its not enough to make you stay. And I wouldnt bother you anymore. The biggest question I have to myself is why of all boys out there, I chose to love you and give you a rare flick of second chance? I dont want an answer now, because the thought of you scares me so much. Yet it wont be longI will be brave soon. That eleven weeks in 2017 is remarkable and destructible at the same time. Today, I plan to look for love in the right places. From my friends, from my family, from my fans, and within myself.
Love yourself first A. If you do, Ill be one of the happiest ex lover you broke up with.
-M
 xxx

TO THE GIRL
         S,
         Who am I kidding? How in the world would this message ever reach to you I mean, you have no idea who the heck I am. Yet if some declassified walk of fate picks you, Ill take my chances.
         I have no resentment for you. I dont blame you for the way I feel today. He might be right when he said to me youre the one he wants to commit with. Not ushis past. What troubles me is how fast hes able to move on from me to you. Dont get me wrong, I am not jealous, but do mind that theres a huge chance that hes still not ready for commitment. Im not sorry for messaging you Ingat ka kay A because I want to spare you from a broken heart with himthe way he crushed mine twice. I know its hard to assemble why I tolerated him just to be with him, and you might call me The Craziest like he does or you might tell yourself I can do that! I could accept him at his best and worst the way you did Michelle! Well, go ahead girl. But dont be like mecoming on too strong and too ready. However when hes bad qualities start arising, always have the heart to tell him when hes wrong. Be frank but not brutal.

         Get ready to be charmed by his best qualitieshint: he has something you wish most guys were. Embrace the moments you have with him, hell make you feel safe. Accept his compliments and his challengetake that basketball and shoot in the hoop! Get messy and eat extra rice and turn him on by finishing every dish you eatnot like me who relies on take out. Anyway, I feel awkward now. I have nothing to say anymore other than embrace his strengths, his flaws, and the next thing about to happen. I wish you luck.

-M
 xxx

         He might not take me back or not want anything to do with him in the present and future, but he only belongs to a sacred place in my memories. In ten years I might have forgotten every disappointment and pain; his letter, his memorabilia, photos, etc where I contain in a safe might belong to pinaglumaan na ng panahon. One thing is certain, this experience taught me selfless love and self-respect, stuff that made me human.

To my dear loyal beautiful readers

Thank you for understanding that I am only human. Thank you for regarding my blog as a part of your weekly routine of healing and of reflecting. I have never posted anything very personalas you can tell, my entire soul is poured into this post. Thank you for not judging me for decisions in life and for encouraging me to live life longer and to its fullest. I owe you this blog. Now that my blog is 3.5 years old, I dedicate you the next few weeks of more creative content. I promise to only give you quality and to show you how committed I am. Thank you for sharing the same dreams as I havefor dreaming as massive as the universe for this blog and for me. I owe you my success! Until next week ;)

-M

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From the Other Side From the Other Side Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 3:21 PM Rating: 5

1 comment:

  1. i felt your heart in this post. i love how raw this is, and how unfiltered your thoughts came on 'paper'. i hope you're doing okay; you deserve all the love in the world. keep on keeping on! :) xx

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