A Conversation with my Demon

         LYING from my bed on a Sunday morning, I refuse to think about recent events that lead me infatuated with gravity between the sheets. By simply relying on a short rest, it could make such difference for the next weeks to come. Nothing fees better than basking into a moment of solitude after a long week of productivity.

YOU Lazy! Why are you staring at the ceiling? Get back to work girl! Thats the voice I refuse to hear. A voice built from cumulative criticisms I had in my past guaranteed to disturb me at solsticemy demon. As usual, I ignore the prowess whos trying to manipulate my actions for the day. She continued,

SO youre just gonna lie there and do NOTHING? Youre pathetic!

Not that my ego is bruised by harsh verbal speeches at the past but shes there to remind me that Im not good enough no matter what I do.

What should I do to please you milady? My first response must always be a mockery.
Impress me. She challenges me.

         Truth is I adore annoying her, as she adores disturbing me. So I wait for her to move out off my peaceful space. This time, she stays.

AHH. So you thought Im satisfied with your achievements for the week? HMM let me think of ityou lost three pounds, you regained your modeling career, you topped an essay writing contest, you attended seminars, and you went on a thrilling adventure with a cutie. Yep Im so proud. My demon says in sarcasm.

Yuh. What I week right? And I reply with enthusiastic but casual teasing.
Yes but what else can you do other than modeling, writing, and snagging a hottie?
Other than your useless hobby?
Like its useful
It is! Who doesnt love having great pictures?
Millennials is the most vain generation. They think having great pictures for their profile is everything.
And we think living the moment is everything.
Oh please. Youre not paid with that hobby.
I dont need money to be happy you know.
But you need money to surviveeat, drink, play, study, afford a living.
I have enough. At least Ive saved lives from people drowning at the pool all thanks to my swimmer skills. Useful. What about you? Youve killed lives by making them feel insecure.

Silence for a brief moment; still I could see her transformation. Her black eyes darts on my soul. Her loose kohl dress pokes the floor as it resembles her statuesque featuresa pillar that wont leave its placewhere Im lying down. She combs my hair through her fingers, tries to induce me with her sweet but scarring voice.
Honey, I just want you to feel safe by having a secured future. That is only by pursuing your degree in Accounting. I am the only one who understands you when no one else could. She pauses and regains herself,
I ONLY want whats best for you.
Leave your hobbies for now and pursue them after graduating. It could wait. Focus on your studies. Thats the best way youll be productive. Stop resting and get working.

By giving her a stern look, she knew I wasnt going to buy her manipulation,
Have you asked me what makes me happy?
No because I already know the answer and thats NOT what I want to hear. Youre exhausted now by doing nonsense.

See! Youre pushing me with what you want. The only thing that make me fulfilled today is if I get a decent amount of rest to recover from last weeks activities; not a decent amount of lecture. I might be physically tired but I am mentally established and emotionally balanced. I dont feel drained unless you let me do what you want me to. Im not trembling with what ifs.

Her silence could be translated into outrage and disappointment. She couldnt win me this time. I know shell come back in a minute or two to remind me what to and what not. I feel a sense of triumph not because I won an argument with the darker side of myself but because Ive defended my light once more.
We are both stubbornno matter what kind of persuasion is slammed to us, we keep settling with our own state of mind. We are two extremes on different poles, we couldnt meet into one intersection unless one has to give up their belief and give into the other. That would never happen. What is certain is this, for as long as I keep feeding her, shell come back.  

A Conversation with my Demon A Conversation with my Demon Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 3:47 PM Rating: 5

No comments:

Tell me what you think about this post

Rom�rio Bispo

Image Link [ ] Author Name [© Tami] Author Description [Magazine Blogger. Your weekly dose from the slice of life: School, Love, and God; and a little bit of fashion.] Twitter Username [themtan] Facebook Username [lastingonmymind] GPlus Username [tamiyummy101] Pinterest Username [tamiyummy101] Instagram Username [themtan]