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His Last Words

Nothing silences the clamor but the story of a lost love. On my Facebook post I once read, The most painful cry is the ones you quietly shed at 2am so that you wont wake up anyone. Well thats how I interpreted the entire quote.

Weeks I have cowed in silence as a form of retreat from social media. The pressure is thereonce you have had something and then later vanished! Days spent to retrieve myself from the noise on and off line; its okay perhaps to leave oneself sporadically to discover what one truly wants and deservesto find ones voice. My recovery consisted of constantly walking around town, conquering mountains, memorizing this article, reading tons of articles to steal ideas from, 1990s movie marathon watching, splurging on basic necessities,and of course, searching for meaningapplying for a modeling agency counts. Admitting to everyone that I barely used my pen and nifty notebook for a span of three weeks, apologies for my rusty writing.




Anyway, what matters now is Ive returned and will offer you a post that barely happened recently but based on experience from the ghostly past. Let me distract you by sharing this post. Note: this is not my current situation, yet sharing this clearly helps me declutter through the mess of Today. Feeling pumped already!

Before I became a realist today, I once shove myself on the hopeless romantic sleeves via Destiny-will-save-me! Well I dated but never settled for a guylabeled him boyfie. Without further delay, here are four out of fifteenyupguys with their last words to me: that turned out to be for my benefit. Their lame excuse reason for breaking up.

The First Love
WERD: “One day youll thank me for making this decision.
Nitty-Gritty: Thanks for letting me go when I had no strength to do so. It introduced me to a different planet where you have to leave everything in the past in order to live at the present. You used to say we belong with each other because we had things in common. Yet these things are not enough to endure and suffice the choices well pursue next and who it might affect. Yes we belong with each other but only to the past. For that, I am still grateful.

The Standard Cutie
WERD: “Were just friends. Nothing More.
Nitty-Gritty: You signified everything I desired for a boy but not for a man. Perhaps you have those standards that I also have but with another girl. I am thankful that you belong to The Perfect Radar which I cannot ever be welcomed. You have your own social circles. I always dug deep in order to hover from strangers to acquaintances to friends. As much as I wanted more, theres a barrier you forced to build. Fly, dig, break, burn, and walk-through all I want but its not worth the battle. You shouldve seen the smirk on my lips when I heard you were doing the same on Kendall Jenner. Nothing against you or her, but Im wishing you luck and moving on.

The Two-faced Crush
WERD: “Love is not a feelingit is a choice. Right now I have other priorities. Number one is figuring them out.
You exist with a maskyour instrument in sending mixed signals. One day you act intimate and the next you tell you dont care. One day youre sporting the ambitious-but-practical-person, the next day youre masking the opposite. Win my heart for a day and tomorrow a pile-of-girls to surround yourself with. What have you done to win my heart with a snap? Your charm, your wit, your common sense, and your taste in art are go-setters but at the end I saw how you transformed from one person to another. Perhaps, it doesnt matter what kind of person you are anymore but what youre showing mehow unpredictable you arefor that, I wont let myself be deceived by the only what I want to see but whether the translation matters my time or not. Basically, life should not be merely a term paper of endless character analysis but a plot summary of the grand scheme of things. Needless to say, it ended the way it startedwhen ice decrease its temperature, it has the potential to burn.

The Last Love
WERD: “Were not at the same level.
Prior everything, you clearly said, I have nothing to offer but my time. Thats all I needed. Youre better than this! You showed me that someone could actually care. Roll the credits; it didnt end well between the two of us. Accepting our cold fate, still Id smile at the person who broke my heart the most. I was ready to be in a relationship when you ended it and slapped our ending like a folder in the jury case closed! With that, Ill be honest I felt mad to the point that I wanted to take back my preparations for the one. Now, letting myself disclose the dispute between us, you have to face endless days without my presence. That was your choice; I respect that no matter what. When I see you, theres this thought that wishes letting go of me as your biggest regret. Would you blame me for that? Not bitter, not angryjust not feeling anything anymore. Definitely you're the (FIRST and currently the) last one I ever loved. Don't take this title forever because like what you're said, "Walang forever."

         Clearly, Im not anti-commitment. Simply temporarily shutting myself on the Dating Department in order to invest on my future desires. From this moment on, I can freely admit that (you guys arent totally jerks but idiots and) I deserve to be treated better. Just today, I forgive you (even with pride on your side/not asking for forgiveness.) The only thing missing now is ME. As I gave a piece of my heart to each one of you, I gained a piece of wisdom. I must be whole to regain myself. Although today I no longer feel any urge to murder your loved ones or to even avenge my (insert age we dated) year old self. I still ought to do one thingFORGIVE MYSELF. I have truly embraced that you will no longer be a part of my present and future but its okay, really. As long as I know that you guys were right at one thing—“braving out to break up with a sweet girl or for your other reasons applied.

         The best lesson I learned from all of you, Love is a choice. When you choose to be with someone, you care to be with this person. You care for anything about them because you want it to be a part of yours to. However flawed or scarred a person is, to you its a choice to whether accept that flaw or to reject it (even if it meant letting go of that person.) BTW, Dont take credit for my success. I got my butts out and kicked my way through my own story.


His Last Words His Last Words Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 9:07 PM Rating: 5

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