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To That One Professor Who Hated Me


SOON (12-22-15)



Too bad we have one thing in commonour favorite subject—, which I wont reveal until later (trust me, its not math).  We both talking about the same things, ironically, and we find these things everywhere (thats the hint!)

Before I go to the nitty-gritty, just a few words: I dont dislike you. Its just a turn off that you have special treatment on everyone but me. As much as I dont like to brag, but I was the one who exerted the most effort in your class. And this is not the typical love-hate letter. In fact, you are the type of teacher that Id like to meet in class again, but not in this lifetime. You dress neatly, spoke fluently, and presented your lectures in spontaneityand I was always prepped for uncertainty.

Sometimes I think that you hated me because you wanted a boy for your class valedictorian and too bad I was a girl. Sometimes I think that you viewed me as your competition, because you thought pretty girls couldnt be smart, and somehow I made you feel insecure about yourself because I was different. Sometimes I think that you do not have the choice but to talk to mebecause no one is as interested in your class as I was. Sometimes I think that you just dont like me without any reason at all.

It has been semesters ago but I havent forgotten how you always haunted me. Sure, you called me yes instead of my name, when I was the only one reciting. I also noticed how your eyes discreetly refused to land on me. At the hallway, when our eyes meet, you immediately look away before I could even acknowledge your presence. In class, you look disgusted at me (yes, I caught you looking at my breasts and then at my face. So what if I am flat chested?) Not to mislead anyone, but Im going say ityou are gay! You are homosexual. I have nothing against that, though I was always curious why are you so against me? You know what frightened me, is that after all the times you disrespected me despite my honor to you, is meI never defended myself when I should have. I should have called the attention of the administration about your favoritism on boys even if it costs your job, my humiliation, my grades, and the blame. Its my fault that I forgive you every time. 

Safe to admit that I badly wanted to drop out of your classbut I always had the butt to prove you wrong. I always had the determination to  impress you more PROVE YOU WRONG.  Yet the more I prove, the more you resist to admit that I am right. Thats when I start to notice. I deserved that A+ when you only gave me a B for the presentation I gave you. With all the things Ive did to prove you wrong, nothing. You treated me the same way as before, underrated and unappreciated.

So if you are reading this (I highly doubt that, though) then sir, here is my other cheek. Congratulations you landed on my blog and in this specific post! I imagine your effort to stalk me be here. Just want to let you know that I wasnt dying to impress you, but to impress myself that I could earn that A+ I was obsessing over. But I guess you never gave me the credit I deserve. You gave it to a guy! I forgive you for your immaturity special favors decision. Its true that you harassed* me in a different manner (*not sexually; *unequal favor, biased, hatred). My biggest vengeance is not caring over you or grades anymore.
At the end of the semester, I proved myself that I was more than B, that its not always about doing your best but being your best. No matter how hard anyone tries, a number cannot defy you and that nothing is ever equal. Things are either more, less, or neutral over the other.

You know youre right. We cannot be equal. Even though I am the taller one, you will always be the one to look down on meand you know what, it wont even affect me at all! Fate will always be unpredictablewe will meet again one way or another. In one of our random passerby moments, well always think the same way about the other. The first one to look away loses.



You are the first professor to hate me, but I hope that I am the last you'll hate.
No grudges further.
Michelle Tan
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