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Things You Must Never Do During a Zombie Apocalypse If You're a College Student







WARNING: Contents may not be suitable for some audiences. Violence and profane words are applied; I won’t be liable for charges or damages.

You have been warned. Proceed with caution.


But first, 
0. I will not duck cover and hold on the first (or any succeeding) wave of the zombie outbreak.


1. In an outbreak, I will not ride the jeep to commute home (or wherever). It’s the worst vehicle alongside with tricycle and helicopter. Rely on hover boards instead.

2. I am allowed to murder the dead without committing a sin.
3. The best weapon to use is Medusa’s Head. Otherwise, I must rely on my own.
4. I am not allowed to show myself to zombies nor will I lead them to my secret hideout!
5. No sudden movements. No sudden noise. SHHHH.
6. I will not ask the homeowners (who accept survivors like me) for the WiFi password.
7. I must never scream, “I have the power!” before slaying (or being slayed) by a walker


8. It’s best to bring a four-sided mirror in case you don’t have any hideout at night.
9. I must not be lazy for daily training in combat, running, and shooting.
10. I will not complain about the food I eat.
11. It's best to be hospitable on selective people.  Never ever be hospitable to anyone.
12. I will never make light saber sounds with my katana sword.
13. During an actual combat with a zombie, I will not lift my knife and say, “There can only be ONE!”
14. I will use Max Brooke’s Ultimate Zombie Guide as my bible.
15. I am not allowed to pack the entire house when vacating an old habitat. It's best to leave my College books behind, it only belongs to the past.
16. It’s best to arm myself with knife, sword, loaded guns, and a pack of common sense.
17. Mind control won’t bring the dead back. Although Manipulative Skills 101 is highly encouraged.

www.zombie-guide.com

18. I am not allowed to flirt with the leader of the pack just because I want special treatment. I will not date anyone either because I don't want to be kissing the next walker in town (in case he is hiding something from me, like his secretly wounded knee cap.)
19. One day, I must invent the ultimate bomb that kills only zombies. But today, I will not attempt to grab anyone's attention. Popularity is not an issue anymore. So thank God I'm an introvert.
20. I am not allowed to stroll with my pet dog around kill zone areas. Thus it's best not to have my own (noisy) pet.
21. I will not feed my friend to a wave of walkers just to save my own life. I will not shoot the person who ‘cleared’ for me or just to test if the gun works.
22. I am not allowed to get pregnant unless there is a ~hunky~ doctor with the pack.
23. I will never betray or leave my group. They are my new family.

24. I have the free will to feed my finger at any walker out of boredom.
25. COLLEGE RULE: I must always watch my back; I can never be assured of my own safety ones I turn around. Most applicable if you have trust issues like me.
26. I am not going to cram for the next accounting, math, or law exam. There is no constitution existing about moral and tertiary education in the country.
27. I am not allowed to get comfortable; after all it’s the worst kind of crisis out there, the damsel in distress won’t be my role to play.
28. I will not pull the trigger when I see my enemy. It’s best to push them with the horde and then play Plants vs. Zombies, Zombie Tsunami or watch Resident Evil, or The Walking Dead while they are being gnashed into pieces.
29. I won’t brag about my ambition to own an iPhone. There is no monetary law during an apocalypse.
30. I am not allowed to “slow” my group down just to pick pocket jewelries on the dead people at the street. No one believes in shiny things anymore.

31. I won’t run around the next coffee shop just to charge my iPad.
32. Although there won’t be any existing dress code, I am not allowed to wear a gown to ramp around the streets. I will not brag about my college uniform and slap the next person I see and tell them, "Major in Accountancy!" while I point my fingers at my chest.
33. I will cry when I have my period, especially if there are no supplies for tampons or pads. I will weep if there is no supply for food and water. I will stack all my used pads and tampons to feed the next walker. If they want blood, I'll give them blood!
34. I must bring a water purifier and back up friends when going to the river. I need not to befriend the next people I'll see (especially those troupes near the river).
35. There is no such thing as safe. So I must always believe and trust myself.
36. No to College Parties! There is no time to be intoxicated with Bloody Mary when the entire club is pooling with ~actual~ Blood.
37. I will not depend on anyone's lockers for emergency supplies. Books don't count. I will not steal Accounting books and ask the textbook authors to "Sign my complete collection."

38. The best way to survive is to have a strategy and to know your enemy’s too. Defense is not an offense anymore. In life, it is best to prepared for the real test that College Examinations cannot offer.

XX
Michelle Tan



RELATED: In-Campus Places to Avoid During a Zombie Outbreak













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Things You Must Never Do During a Zombie Apocalypse If You're a College Student Things You Must Never Do During a Zombie Apocalypse If You're a College Student Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 8:28 PM Rating: 5

2 comments:

  1. Better blog layout! Lets the eyes breathe. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Great thinking, changed the 'Literary Blogger' to Magazine Blogger at left Float sidebar. ��

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    1. Hey Kathy! Thanks for noticing. I realized that it's fresh to be called Magazine Blogger (since it's what my blog contents are mostly about) and it's also the initials of my first name, MB. Yeah I thought that having a minimalist blog looks very interesting.

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