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Semicolon Project

                  Hello friends, I'm Michelle Tan but I prefer Tami! Most of you guys are aware that I am a writer or a blogger. Some are aware that I pursue BS Management Accounting in the University of Santo Tomas. To me, I am just an ordinary person with altered features that makes me different from everybody else. Today, I am going to share to you a different side of me. Personally, I would like to keep this as a secret but my guts says that it is better out in the open... So I guess I'll let you know one thing and the secret is out!
                  Semicolon (;) is used when an author decides to end their sentence but decided not to or when someone wants to put an end into something but decided not to.



                  Commonly, that 'sentence' is referred to suicide, cutting strings, letting go of the past, or refusal to pursue happiness. I experienced everything mentioned but we'll go on that later. Semicolon tattooing is today's hip to support suicide survivors where people permanently tattoo the (;) symbol into their wrists, arms, or whichever body part as a reminder that they are survivors. Nowadays, it is shared all over social media in the hopes of 'saving' or inspiring someone's life. Honestly, I am not really a fan of anything related to popular or "pop" culture and mainstream 'What is In!'. Thus, I support anything I believe in, anything for a cause, but not everything that the public lays their eye on at a specific period of time. This one caught my attention because I can personally relate with it and I know you do too.


                  Only a few people have truly met me. Some of them walked out, some stayed, but most denied that we even know each other. I am not mad at these people, because at the very least they shaped my formation as a person... I won't forget them either. For I should never forget three people during a hardship: First is the one who put me in it; Second, the one who helped me through it; Third, the one who left me during it. At least one of them fits in the list. The fact that I wanted to be acquainted with everybody is not a perfect excuse for me to de-socialize. Anyway, here is an opportunity for me to say something really personal. I will be judged but I will also be free!

                  There are countless times that I wanted to shut down this blog. So much is going on with my private life that to the point that I nearly craved to let go of my happiness (writing). Believe me, I am a happy person. I choose to gather the good vibes instead of focusing my energy on the worst kind of criticism. Only that I see myself in the crossroad right now that affects my total well-being and wholesome relationship with any person ever there. In spite of the ruins, the hurt, the flawed reality, the bias, the enemies, the hatred, the criticisms, the landfall, the bitter cries, the pitiful prayers, and etc, being steadfast was my only option. The fact that my family is broken, my friendships are over, my grades are slipping, my passion and skill deteriorating... I hoped. Everything would end. Somehow I managed to survive, but it is not the key. I never stopped yearning for happiness and success.

                  When my first blog (Lasting On My Mind) got destroyed, I thought I do not have anything else with me rather than unfortunate events. My heart bleeds that I could never recover myself anymore because I no longer have an inspiration. Writing is not my second life anymore, the reason i wake up each day to learn a story or visit a perspective or such. Motivation is not what I lacked, but I became too numb from my personal life. I felt nothing, not even pain nor success. As soon as a person no longer feels for anything, they no longer value success nor do they have room for improvements in any favorable failure. That is what makes any person the most pitiful one on earth that not even any riches on the land would satisfy.
                  As for me, I wasn't a hundred percent to that point because all I planned was to succeed, to win in the best way. What better treasure can a person cherish than success itself? The success is not a mere money people are motivated to die for, but the return of love and support. I could never forgive myself for losing myself in a lot of battles that I did not even picked, but what choice do I have when I am already involved? Ending It is another succession to failure and someone else's victory. This time I would not let myself lose for nothing. I will win. A promise of extra effort each week to share stories in this website not just for you but for building myself in time, you will see.

                  There is this book, Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover that mentioned, "If a man lived through the ugliest side of love, he might not want to experience it again" or why anyone refuses to love again. It isn't love and hate that separates unrequited relationships, not even fear, but indifference. When someone stops to or does not care. The pain will always be there, but it is our challenge to let ourselves to be loved, instead of allowing it to consume our lifetime.

                  Writing soothes the pain. It did not help me forget it, it even demanded to be felt deeper. Yet I am willing to risk even the slightest emotion I have to share with you to also seek comfort from the ambience of the state of being unstoppable. When I write, I become more honest with myself, my feelings, and reality that joins everything in between. I no longer pretend to be the hero or the villain or the perfect character I assume I could become in my stories. They are just icons, patterns of inspiration, and hardest lessons I learned in life. Even if my writing results to skepticism, insecurities, curiosities, and bigger risks I intend to let myself flow with my own adventure, planned or not... I know I will experience more drama, heartaches, numbness, and happiness but I will not risk anything for selfishness. This blog is a makeover of my new life, a baptized and changed woman. It deserves to be polished, seen, recognized, worked for not for its beauty but because of substance, the thought, and its survival through the twist of time. I no longer want to surrender to my thought of giving up just because I lost hope or yearned to find it; instead I will make its way to me.

                  To make things short, I'm going to continue blogging no matter what.

                  Every time I think about laying down the pen to stop writing, or when I wish to click 'Delete This Blog' onto my web page provider, or when I cry for many excuses why I cannot write something eligible and acceptable I look at it this way; semicolon. I am imperfect but unstoppable. I will do what I love to do as long as I am right, because I deserve to feel, love, wander, and discover. Semicolon. It is more than meets the eye. Be stronger than your excuses!


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