First Day of School

Again. AND I am telling you that in life, you won't ran out of a lot of firsts...

          A myth that people believe that if you survived it, then the rest of the remaining days at school would be epic. That's just a myth but partly true, for no one wants to wind up counting the next few hours or days to the end of the year.

            Every year is a different story. Even if it happens yearly, first day of school will always be the first pain in the ass that signals the welcoming rites of the upcoming torture or pleasure you can get in a promising school year, depending on the case box you are in or is set for you.

            Personally, I wanted to say that F.D.o.S is a book where I am the only one allowed to access, manipulate, and browse through the pages I am involved in. I wanted to be sure if the contents are made right for me because I am not The Author of my book. I am no less than a person trying to build a character of myself. I am a different vantage point to make it simple. I speak in my own language that most people find it hard to define, but I admire those few who adapt and accept that difference can be good. Skimming my pages can be fun, but The Author always made sure that there are no spoilers for me, so he only set blank pages for those uncovered chapters. This made me set goals for my self before I reach the end of the book. Likewise, he also made plans for me both individual and social plans. It is a must that I have to diverse myself with the student population in every year before fighting for myself in every encounter. I built my own character that was harnessed by The Author by my previous books, and yes, it is a sequel to everything I am and was. Thanks to that, I have inherited different eyes, different ears, different voice, different skills, and different senses to depict a lot of things that happen in human nature.

            People talk and believe in their own definition. Following the crowd, for me, is a sin. Am I the only one to notice something preposterous with the system? Most people love and try too hard to fit in, so they follow each other in endless motion to which navigation I suppose has no direction. How pointless! They make their own standards of in and out sometimes to the point that they assess themselves and evaluate the kind of acceptance the crowd will throw them.

             This practice makes them wear the costume to conceal from their insecurities, while I don't. And that's why I get noticed while I try not to. I show that I am different, sometimes scared, but most of the time brave. When I am paranoid, I consult my book. How far has I been from first day of school and how near am I to the last day of school? But of course, there are so many things bigger than the problem of blending in with the crowd or having to get things over with simply to make an end to it.

            My biggest dilemma in school is "how come when I am trying to make a difference, I don't get noticed. Like if I were trying to do good things then I don't get reward. But why if I make minimal or huge mistakes, people will remember me for that?"  For every mistake, there is a little to zero chance of explaining yourself and your decisions. Sometimes, when you make wrong choices, life gives you a big slap on the butt and things aren't helpful when you are still being criticized when you have learned your lesson. It is also difficult to prove to them and to yourself that a bad incident in your life does not dictate who you are as a person.

            However, when I was still filling in the pages of my own School Days Book, these life realizations haven't appeared to me at my doorstep yet. I flip and skim the written pages to get some answers. I mark my calendar X's. I wanted to unfold and search justice to my depression. I try not to cry sometimes because of this fact. Sometimes I ask myself, why do I try to hide my feelings or find it a chore to say what I want. I might be silent but it doesn't mean that I am peaceful. I'm trying to cheat through my book to find out if my ending is favorable on my part. After all, every one wants their suffering to end.

            How come in real life there are no chapter breaks? You know, when you get tired of reading a book, you just wanted to rest and chill. How come in real life where we engage ourselves in real frustration we could never have a point of retreat from all kinds of exhaustion? Why must our only option is to fight or flight, to do something risky to solve a problem or to just let it happen, or to call it quits. How come in real life, we cannot snoop through the last pages of our book to get a scope of how each encounters end, how resolutions fade, and how we get to have the exact details of how we should get things through. We only see a few blank pages depending on how near we are to The Closing.

             When we need guidance and answers to a lot of things in life, sometimes all we need is to trust ourselves that we can get things over with, and faith and hope to the things we cannot control. Judgments will be everywhere, and I will tell you this from experience--when choosing over what's the right thing to do, say you have to decide on things would be most favorable for you, what right vs. what is better can be the best choice? Here is a tip, choose the right thing, the ethical thing. Even if it doesn't favor you, sometimes a little selfless sacrifice can make a huge difference (even if you aren't noticing the changes).

            There are moments that I wish I could make first day of school really fun. Above all, we remember the myth that says that your first day of school mirrors the remaining days of the school year. Put an X to that! If I had realize earlier that sometimes, through all the pain, mystery, and perplex situation school days might bring us, there will be a point that you will just laugh things and miss things. Like the moment you got applaud in class or got your report pretty well.

First Day of School First Day of School Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 3:43 PM Rating: 5

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