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Purging



I saw how you managed to strategize your way out--avoiding the lane we used to walk together. Shame, these paths we take no longer feel the budding ardency we used to build up. Shame, you found another when I was waiting for nothing; holding onto the hope of getting back.


I still walk the same lane alone, and I see you don't do the same; or if you do, with someone else a little much more different than me. Sometimes I wonder what type of people do you choose to be with; sometimes I wonder if I even choose people to be with at my life for the sake of having someone with me, to share something specifically different with me at any moment in life's reckoning.



Our relationship started slow but with almighty support I was fooled in believing. When one or both of us are gloomy, we end up saying "it all burns down to trust." We had each other, shared each other's anticipating aspect, facet, or moment of lives as we face each day with such optimism. Sure, we thought, friendship never ends...until the day we decided to stop talking. You made me read this quote in Exodus 14:14 that says SILENCE is the answer. I guess it is. 


There once was a day I cried unto you when you were holding me. You were hushing me like a mother to a child. "Hush, everything will be over soon. I'm here!" You said, probably wanting me to shut up or either hoping that my agonies will end. I didn't know if I were good enough for you, I never judged you for your preferences; and so you did to me.



However there's one thing. Despite everything we've talked about, I guess I don't know that you were the regular chatterbox and I was the hot topic. In spite of having no voice to protecting myself, you voiced out my side considering none of the consequences. I was a fool of trusting you. I was a fool of believing you. I was a fool in letting you have the benefit of the doubt, a great chance, despite my guts saying no.



If this is the end of it, then I let the silence invade the space between us and shut up. I'll let my pride diminish but never let my dignity sprung. Thank you for the short span of our tremendous friendship. It's not just your fault it didn't work out, but mine as well. Even if it didn't fire like we could've expected, I loved you with my heart. Like what Alfred Tennyson said In Memoriam, "IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL."



And it's true what Daria said, "If something makes you feel good, like being in love, then there must be a corresponding side, like losing love. Emotional involvement brings pleasure and extraordinary pain." No wonder why it stings me so much whenever I look at this path we used to take together; And sometimes I wonder if it stings you, too. especially if the wind of spring (where everything blooms) hits your cheeks in hoping that you might turn to its direction where I am standing right now.  



I just hope your happy now with these people. You looked happy when you were with me. I was happy when I was with you. But I see you smile with them... And I smile, not because I am happy but because I don't want to show how intrinsically opposite I feel right now. I walk out until I can see the end of the lane. I walk, not looking back. I inhaled and gasped the wind of spring. I looked up in the sky as a trail of tear fell down to my cheek. 



"Please." I whispered to the heavens.


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Purging Purging Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 4:24 PM Rating: 5

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