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Finally Encumbered

Life has twists. At first I thought all my instincts lead to the right people, and who arent; sometimes they dictate me which are the ones to end ties with. When I but expected to be friends with someone I had a bad feeling with just because she was my ideal self, and I felt envious and devastated that she have the things I wanted. Shes my perfect representation of a lady I yearn to be; that special person that touches peoples lives. She had that power that I didnt have. All I did at first was to whisper to myself that she isnt worth it. However, I took the risk of pulling the plug to giving it a shot. For there are moments, as far as I could remember, when I gave chances to others too.
I felt uneasy and skeptic, unsure whether disobeying my instincts for the first time would eventually hinder regrets in the long run. I introduced myself. I breathe. It was okay-- not too safe, not too viscous. Honestly, I was also overwhelmed with thoughts that if spoken would steer to utter conspired rumour. With the fear of having them circulated, I kept the hate to myself; but not for too long.

Weeks past, she eventually made the efforts to talk to me. I used to crumble into the thought that it was her counter attack to me; silently and slowly ripping the pieces of me. Yet I struggled to fight off the idea. I gave myself the chance to love her. And I did. She unintentionally showed me my past self; a self where there was no room for vengeance, but rather forgiveness. There was something about her that lead me to the peace that I was wanting my entire life. She also influenced me to gain that power of affecting people positively. All my evil thoughts, gone!

I fell in love with an enemy who was never really a foe, but was an ally. I am my own enemy because I let my judgments tear a part of my heart, not hers. I named her something she didnt deserve of. After typing this, I realized that the greatest enemy one can ever have is having destructive thoughts. The same thoughts that assumes that everybody can hurt one; and that no one deserve their tears, not even of happiness.  Plus, judging others solely by their physique can demolish a persons esteem and also their chance to prove themselves to you. So give them a chance.

At this point in my life, I cannot truly define what a true friend means. Its not just about loyalty and trust; its not solely flow in the air of honesty. Friendship, I think, is established when you give the person a chance in a manner that you are giving yourself a chance to potentially be loved by that person.

With this experience, the things that I wanted in my life (non materially) started to foster into the attraction I have. I gained confidence and secure with what I am today. I dont like bearing grudges anymore, it makes me feel unhealthy, weak, pathetic and unkind. I want to be independent, secured, confident, and above all, thankful. I feel so blessed that I felt the need to share this encounter to the public! I hope you guys learned from my story.

XX
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Finally Encumbered Finally Encumbered Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 10:27 PM Rating: 5

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