Ego Has a Mask

Have you ever felt so proud of something but not really happy about it? I mean you don't picture yourself owning that something you have even if that something boosts your ego. 
I did. It even lead to the biggest regret of my life.

Two years ago in high school, I was forced to choose two different programs in my college applications. My first choice, the one thing I automatically write for in every application forms is AB Communications. At that time, I wanted to to master the art of filmography, broadcasting, script writing and the like. The second is AB Journalism. I knew that I can own my future in journalism because I view myself as a writer on a magazine somewhere around the world. However, I changed it to BS Accountancy. And now here I am in my second year in this program. Terrific!

I am in the point in my life where I am so proud of being me but am not happy for what I have landed for. Shifting is not easy; it comes a lot of consequences. But staying will only make matters worse, for me. Horrific!

I hear people say, "don't shift. You are in a top university and in a college who produce top accountants in the country." Some support me and say, "go transfer. You will be happy! You are a great writer and you will be able to excel in that program. You always wanted it, right?" But the worse comments were I always reflected on are "you are halfway to graduation. You can get another degree after you have finished your majors." 

The thing is, I have my limitations. I can be both an accountancy student and a blogger at the same time, but what happens when time comes that I only have to choose one? What comes next when I need to be true to myself and dictate where I am really happy and be very proud of myself? A lot of questions have been clouding my thoughts to fumigate choices that will greatly affect my future. Looking back from the past, I need to say that erasing my second choice into something I am now is a serious matter that I didn't ponder upon years ago; I thought that it would be easy. I thought I can handle it.

So what am I saying? I am not getting any younger and I should start taking my decisions seriously. Simple choices make great changes in the future. Sometimes, it really pays to be honest about what makes me happy and what my limitations are; and I should never be ashamed of my limitations nor the choices I make in my life because I am not perfect. I can do such little things but I always perform at my best! Still, even if I have given my best, there will always be standards in life that I have to fill in before I get what I deserve. 

Through this experience, I learned that I should never let my ego rule over my choices. I admit, choosing BS Accountancy program wooed a lot of people saying "I'm smart, I am good at math, I am a goddess. I am pretty, smart and perfect!" I let people's compliments move me to pursue something that isn't for me at the first place. I wasn't fooling them that I am smart because I am really smart. I can ace my courses and make great remarks and impressions from my professors. But I wasn't clever enough; I wasn't wise because I was fooling myself, thinking that I could be happy and successful by being filled by people's praises. It turned out to be the opposite. The more they were rejoiced by me, the more they expect me to be successful in the near future. They expect a lot in return. 

I learned my lesson the hard way. Now that I realized that my ego shouldn't depend on others but with a mutual honesty with myself and with a dignity to stick to my choices will make more people love and accept me. My ego should lie with half of what I think of myself and half of how I can handle situations maturely and everything that I mentioned must be reflected on before I could ever say that I am successful.

Ego has a mask. It might look appealing to everyone but you will only know what truly lies behind the mask. I chose to remove the mask and let my face show something worth looking out for. Promise, I have undergone a massive events of pensive reflections before posting this. 

Ego Has a Mask Ego Has a Mask Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 2:00 PM Rating: 5

1 comment:

Tell me what you think about this post

Rom�rio Bispo

Image Link [ ] Author Name [© Tami] Author Description [Magazine Blogger. Your weekly dose from the slice of life: School, Love, and God; and a little bit of fashion.] Twitter Username [themtan] Facebook Username [lastingonmymind] GPlus Username [tamiyummy101] Pinterest Username [tamiyummy101] Instagram Username [themtan]