Insurmountable 4: Frozen Nightmares

Swiftly, I hid myself under the covers thinking that it will shelter me for until I am afraid. But I can hear each creek of the stairs getting louder. I watch the knob, hoping that it won't move in any rotation.
The steps are getting louder. Each gradual sound makes me more uneasy.
I can hear my heart beat faster. My whole body is shaking. My eyes set wide. I don't hear a knock; I sigh. 
A hand covered my mouth behind me. It's him. My brother. 

"Now!" He says
Along from the door I was watching all along came my father holding his stick while my brother holds both of my forearms. I screamed the hell out of me. 
"Please don't do this to me!"
I don't know if they hear me. All they did was come closer to me. Then I noticed that I wasn't wearing my pants anymore, but the same torn night gown I was wearing on my birthday. I yelled again until my father held my ankles and roped them at the ends of the bed.
"No one will help you. Just let us penetrate you. You'll love and appreciate your sexuality afterwards."
The both of them grinned.
"I will never forgive you. I will never love you. I hate you all. I hate this family!!!"
My brother began to push me and punch my stomach. I felt the pain clench on my belly, weakening everything it holds. But the emotional pain is more fatal. How could one ever do such a thing?
My father came above me kissing my neck again.
"You've always enjoyed this one, Sweetie."
I looked up at the ceiling, praying for a miracle. But everything is worthless.
I looked down at the couch, beside the tv where both has a view on my bed. I saw a woman, a forgotten fiendish part of the past. And she's watching me. She's letting all of this happen. My greatest foe. My own mother.

"Chill." I woke up gasping for air when I heard the voice of an angel. It's Charles. He hands me a glass of water and I gulp the biggest sips ever.

"Thank you." I say exasperatingly.

"Nightmares again?" He said and I nod. It's so odd that I'm having the same nightmares for a week now and I still haven't mentioned anything to him yet. It's a miracle that he understands me. I don't know why but I think he looks at me differently now: with full curiosity and attention. I love it. But I'm also scared of it.

 The debate inside me if I should or should not tell him now utterly began to tensify the situation a lot more. I don't know if I can still handle it.

"Listen, Charles. I need a friend right now and please listen to me without judging me first. I hope that you'd understand, it's a long story but I'll tell you why I got here."

He sits down beside me on my left, wearing his favorite 1987 brown with white v-neck top. I'm sure he's just wearing his boxers today. I've been borrowing his t-shirt and some of his shorts since I hid here. My favorite one is the plain orange v-neck top he has. The feeling of unlimited hugs from his clothes and his scent that always scatter to my skin would make anything bad turn into good. I bet he loves seeing me in it too.

"Oh, I thought you needed a moment again. Well, have I never been your friend? Sure I'll listen Love." His sweet words interject in my skin that meets a vibrating effect on my stomach up to my heart, affecting my entire body. He called me Love. However, I never showed him I liked him that much. All I did was stiffen up and avoided eye contacts.

I smiled at him and went through the whole story, since the beginning of the day we met. He looked at my lips while I told him everything and it distracts me a lot. Tears rolled to my eyes but I tried to shove it in; trying to be strong for me. 

His angelic face turned into something pale. His blush turned brown, his eyes weren't the same brown; his forehead began pouring sweat. I wanted to wipe him but he touched my cheeks first.

"I'm so sorry. Now I understand." He looked at me with fright and sincerity. He, then, embraces me tightly trying to fix the past that's broken. I'm madly scared and madly in love with this feeling. I rest my head onto the right there it meets his head, and we chafe each other's cheeks. I hugged him even more, only surrendering myself to him. He looked at me again; now his face with minimal blush, "I'll show you to my room."

We walked at his hallway, resting our arms on each other. He led me to his room and saw how dark it was. It's clean: white wall, brown tiles, but the rest are covered with dark blue hues. He looked at me and kissed my forehead, "I'll be back."

I watched him leave me at the corner of his door when he enters into another door, a walk in closet perhaps. He goes back into me holding two boxes, one gift-size where it can fit a shirt and the other one is like a treasure box.

"This is yours," He said. When I opened the box, I saw the clothes I was wearing when I got into his house. I quickly closed the cover from its mouth. I don't want to be ever reminded about this. The pain started to grow inside my heart, palpitating an effect that disables me to breathe properly.

He looked at me with a blank face, holding on to the bigger box and said, "And this is mine." I was shocked to hear what he said as if the agony I felt was completely drifted towards another dimension of my heart. It shifted every ounce of pain through enigmatic exhibition.

"My mom died when I was three and was replaced by my stepmother. She had a fifteen-year-old daughter, Lucy. They both did things to me at Detroit whenever father will be gone. It continuously happened every time until this year, when I finally decided to move out." The indescribable pain in my chest started to dart me each second of his story. I looked at his eye and remembered that his right one was scarred. Mine's scarred too. He let me peep into the box and I saw reprobation in simple things. A ball, a razor, a rope, some of his torn clothing, a zip lock with strands of hair, a handkerchief, a pair of socks, some cologne, a lipstick, a panty, I don't want to know the rest.

I inhaled courageously and looked on his eyes. I can see what his soul tells me and my soul can mention secrets to him as well.

"This house is one of my mother's secret houses. She had two actually; the other one is an apartment in Brooklyn. She had this one when she was eighteen. I'm not sure with the rest of the story but before she died, she signed my name on every inheritance that she had." I came closer to him and removed the box from his hands, placed it on the floor and I hugged him.

"This is all that I have now before you came into my life. Memories. I never had any room for good things until you came into my life. From the day you step into Smart Buy, your favorite bookstore. I love the way you just stood there every day for ten minutes. Those are the most precious minutes of my life. And I don't know if I should say this but I love you. I mean, I do. Even though we haven't really know a lot from each other, it feels like I've known you for a long time."

I can't believe everything happened so quickly. We're still hugging each other, sharing each other's agony, feelings, and love. I felt the same way too. I mean, feel. I don't know if I should say it or what but I planted a kiss on his lip. He deeply kissed mine. He is holding me tighter, never wanting to let go.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
And silence.
Then there was knocking again. "Search warrant, it's the police"

I recognized that knocking patterns... and that voice... FATHER!!!

Insurmountable 4: Frozen Nightmares Insurmountable 4: Frozen Nightmares Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 4:05 PM Rating: 5

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