Thoughts of Half-Brokenness

I'm obsolete. I am dark. I am emotional
I am ceasing the darkest hour of my life, as I crash of the fall. The fall I have with you.

            It's been weeks since we last saw each other. It felt like centuries to me. I couldn't swallow well when I saw a couple just looking at each other. Nothing more, nothing less to us...but to them, it felt everything. They are everything.
Then I remembered you, once again, and how badly I miss you.
            I remembered looking at your eyes. The sincerity of your eyes made me melt, made me swoon, made me wonder, what. There was a spark, a glow on your eyes as if I was gazing at the stars of the deep, immense night. You seemed like the stars, that kind I'd want to look at forever and never get bored; that kind of feels that I'd simply look up and wonder, if I have my wish...if I have them right.

I keep asking myself, if you still love me. If you were true once you told me how you felt. That you love me.

Because if I think you still do, I wouldn't be awake until 2 a.m.

            There is no me to your life now. For I know, because you don't make that time for me. The small seconds I need you in my life. Those little ticks and tocks that were precious, because we'd both cherish them. . . Then, you chose not to. You were preoccupied with things that made your busy life. I just need spare seconds. Little seconds that would mean a lot to me.
But then again, you are treating me like everybody else.
I thought I was special. I thought I was exclusive. I thought I'd be more.
I hope, I was your life, but I am not.
            This crisis that I have in me. This little thoughts running in circles all over again.
            It's not over for me.
Still isn't over.
When will it be over?
I'm not hoping for it.
I am waiting for your response every now and then, but it seemed like this seeding bud has snaggled away my time from me. How could you do that? How could you have that effect on me: winding up all the worries, insecurities, woes, and misjudgment but at the same time doing fabulously the complete opposite?
I'm not trying to hide. I'm trying to decide...if it's NO for me or still a GO for me.

With all the negativity and positivity, where do I place myself to you? Are you still counting the moments we have, and the days we will have? Are you willing to accept change in your life as I roll over and sit and roll over again with every mayhem that I might get? Are you even the same person I fell in love with? Or do I even know that person and see that person?
            The crash...we meet again.
I thought I'd become who we want to be.
            When a thought becomes an expectation, it becomes a hard explanation when it becomes the opposite of reality.
            As I perceive reality in a wrong manner, I get to have nothing else with me. Why is my negative drive so deceiving that I am convinced at everything it tells me? As much as I don't want to, I feel helpless and needy. It's not me. When I once brim myself with my independence and charm, lured away by my own infatuation for you. We felt the same...did we?
Still, even though I don't deserve this, I am giving you a chance.
It hurts, but I have to do it, we have to start again. Because I love you and you love me. Because we're complete fools messing around with the sick little games cupid has in store for us. I think, we can do it.

            Maybe I needed more. Maybe you wanted time. Maybe we're complete idiots. Maybe, just maybe, love will come knocking on our doorsteps once again.

Is there even a hope from us? Is there even a hope for you? Was there even an us?

And maybe this time, I'll find an answer... I hope it's not maybe.
Thoughts of Half-Brokenness Thoughts of Half-Brokenness Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 5:39 PM Rating: 5

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