The Expressions of That Girl(, Not This Girl)

By Michelle Tan

Trust is letting someone touch your "vulnerable parts" as you never let anyone to. Like a patient's way of showing off her mouth at the dentist, or letting her doctor feel her forehead and stomach. Just the way another person shares something private to someone else, and expects the other to keep their lips shut. The same way that you trust the cook to serve you delicious but healthy meals. A manner of loyalty to a brand of any product.

When one proves they deserve someone's trust, loyalty comes in handy, then it will be followed by the continuous support and consumption of its cycle.  

I don't give my trust to anyone. It's hard. When people continuously harm me in a way that they sneakily dig out those vulnerable parts of me, and I won't be able to have any control in that situation. 

Everybody has secrets, and I have a lot not to share. My heart is an ocean of it. Anyone who diverges himself from it is either to conquer or to surrender. Either way, nobody will ever to absorb everything from it. Nobody would understand why the ocean clings for embrace, too much that it chokes anyone, too much that it could make breathing impossible. 

My secrets are dangerous... To them maybe, but to you, wow! Your immunity is observable. I've seen you drown but conquer to every madness that I offer. I was supposed to create that impact to you, but you gave that power to (feel "weak" at) me. How could I ever surrender at your plead on making me more open to you? You were begging to know me better, and I was interested in keeping decency and confidence to myself. 

I gave my trust to you, not completely, but most of it. Although it's unlikely that you are the dentist and the doctor that I am willing to expose my body to get checked up, and I mean literally; but in a way that I believe in you the way I cannot do in "impossible" situations. You promised to take care of me, to secure and shelter me. Yet, our relationship were not always headstrong. It is either I become too forgiving, you become too withdrawing, or we become ignorant of our exposure. 

I keep on dragging myself on the sideways, but you keep on finding me. You attack me in a wonderful but dangerous way that I always become the one on defeat? I keep on dosing myself with that kind of drug that you have, in case, I would become immune to you. 

Trusting you is inevitable. I trust you without fearing the consequences. I trust you not because I never wanted you to doubt me, to turn me down, to "unchase" me, to give up on me but simply because I wanted you to feel important. I wanted to (also) feel important. I trust you the way I never shared the broken parts of me to anyone else.
I know you will never make fun of me, make a fool out of me, cheat on me, or need someone else "better". Because you know that I am the "best" (for you.) I never even thought of bringing out my best for someone else...for you. Is it what trust can do? Or maybe because I love you too much? I do. I do love you, but I don't know to what extent. Of course, trusting you is with no end, but I know my love to you exceeds to whichever comes after. Sometimes, however, I just don't think I am reciprocated. Whenever I feel this way, I simply look up to the sky and want for the best, and wish for everything of its worth...and then you come to me again. Love was never easy, but it's always worth it after all.

Trust is dangerous. Trust is wonderful. Trusting you is a drug I will have to consume for the rest of forever. It's not a curse, it's a choice!
The Expressions of That Girl(, Not This Girl) The Expressions of That Girl(, Not This Girl) Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 6:15 PM Rating: 5

1 comment:

  1. Do you trust me? ;)
    We'll written :)


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