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Dear, Love Me

~A letter to my future husband



Dear,

            Of course, I am not referring at you as an animal with antlers, but I'd like to be honest, I still don't know your name yet; don’t have your number, nor have you sent me that friend request on Facebook or followed me on Instagram and Twitter. For all I know, you could be anyone. For sure, Facebook may not be an existing website and nor does Instagram and Twitter as social applications in years time. Maybe I already know your name, but still haven't figured if you're truly fit for me as a suitable lifetime partner. I'm still young, you know; but even so, I am still capable of loving and reciprocating love at the same or greater "amount." Maybe you are already my friend, my best guy friend, my neighbor's cousin, my cousin's neighbor, my classmate's neighbor, my neighbor's classmate, my all-time celebrity crush, or someone who could be reading this right now.

            I wonder.
            I think.
            I daydream.
            A lot.
            All because of you.
           
            For all the years I've wished that I were the princess and you were my prince, for all the wrong frogs that turned into boastful toads after my kiss, for all the insufficient reasons and numerous heartaches I've poured into thinking that they could be you, for every single day I've battled and risked to prove that love exists, for all the doubts turned into trust and more hopes, for the sake of love and back obviously it's all for you.



            On the 30th of April at 11:49, I collected all the thoughts and recalled all the memories (from experience) about love that I drafted from my four-long hour daydreaming about you on the night of April 29 until dawn. To be exact, I am not pertaining to a specific name. I'm referring to you.

            Do you think it was easy for me? No, it isn't. Not for me, not for anybody; to gather and to devout oneself into all the Wrong Lovers in the past. I was struck in one line in a movie I pooled tears for, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, as it said, "We accept the love we think we deserve." I stoop down to my own standards in order to give the boys whom I dated a chance to prove themselves and their love for me. I thought they could be you, or could be better than you. I thought that if I settled for them, I'd be more contented and be happier. None of those happened. One by one, they gave up, backed down, and refused to claim their promises. In return, I had a stabbed heart, a wounded soul, a bitter mind, a low spirit, and a stronger personality, but never a lesser value.

            At exactly 17 years, 50 weeks, 6 days old on May 1, 2014 (12:00 am, to be exact) I don't know if I make sense to you or to the world right now, but I hope I do; I might understand the past much better now, than what I did in the past. For sure, I know that you did your part into the test of lovesick traps. I appreciate and thank you, for having the same goals in life, most especially when it comes to love. 
           
            When asked to choose between love and security, I finally had a conclusion. Love. Everyone expects me to choose security because of its practicality, sense, and in its false promise of telling anyone that you can HAVE love by "learning" it. Well, love isn't learned because it is chosen for; it is not earned, because trust it earned and worth something depending on one's standards; it is not to be only waited for, but to be prayed for, and I guess it will come at the right time. You are worth my love, worth my time, worth my patience, and most of all, worth my sacrifices.
            Perhaps, I want to live a life with a peace of mind, which I know that I have someone to lean on when I'm in times of struggle. I'd like to be a legend, just by living a life full of love, and just by putting them into pieces to remain existent. With love, I feel instantly lucky--I don't have to be rich and famous, beautiful and charming, wanted and flocked for. Love isn't all about happiness, but the thought of being with that special person with you no matter how hard the wind blows, mountain cannot bow to it (Mulan, 1998), that kind of stable thing. Well, of course security is important too. You want to be assured that you will eat fruits and cakes when you reach home. If anyone is still thinking that their parents sent them to school is to simply learn how to earn money in the future, that's correct. But when one realizes that there is more than meets the eye, it must be love. For it is worth all hardships.
            I also want to share that I admire my brother, Jesus Christ, for choosing love over security. If he chose security, he would have been a legit king in the Israel during his time. But He didn't. When incarnated on Earth, He chose to be one of the poorest of the poor, a Son of a carpenter (, a builder of a home.) He loves us so much that He humbly accepted the will of His Father; He points out that from the start of time until the end of time, there is kind of pain that He will never understand, and no aches that he cannot wash and heal. This is one of the reasons why I offer Him prayers. Perhaps He could give me a pinch of Heaven's joys through True Love (through you.) I know it's not the same thing for you. I'm still glad that I have a brother like Jesus; He'll grant my prayers. I know He will. He'll give me you.
           

            I cannot wait for that day I become your forever. I'll cherish each days: I wake up right next to you, a cuddle before we get up, how much we'd rather stay in bed than go to work, how much morning your morning kisses will brighten up my day, a kiss on my hand before I give you that warm cup of coffee, a ten-minute toast to a brand new day together, our daily bonding moments, how we'll share the shower and brush our teeth then kiss after, share secrets about each other, trust one another, embrace all obstacles, how we will raise our children together, the prayers we'll offer God, how you drive me to places and hold my hand no matter what, how you watch me walk from the aisle on grocery stores and remember that walk I did on our wedding day, planning/dreaming/doing our life adventures, how we'd travel to places, the way you cook dinner and I wash the dishes, our "play" time, the way we shut our eyes at night and hug each other, and a lot... I can't wait to make the biggest fall in my life; I know you'll catch me. And in your arms, I'll never let go, because I'd rather stay. Let's go strong.
           
            If ever I make you feel unappreciated, just read this again and again. I am not the perfect lover: I don't have the ideal slim body, even-toned skin, luscious lips, pearly white teeth, towering height, kind attitude.( However, I'd like to be your personal good kind of addiction.) I will always change. My beauty is not forever. However, my loyalty and trust is guaranteed exclusively for you.

            Did you know that when I was young, I never liked the idea of childbirth? But when I think of you, I know you are worth it: the risk of praying not to be raped or be abused by anyone when I'm alone, my V (virginity, haha), my ovaries, I mean, my monthly struggle during my period, changing my last name for the permanent title of being yours, the strength I need for nine months of carrying that very special bulk in my belly (that looks like us), the extra care I get from you when you're around, the pain I'll have to encounter to deliver our offspring/s to the world (until they grow up), the unpredictable stretching of my body, the stitches, marks and cuts that will leave me from being a mother, and most of all, being a mother to our children. That's how much I love you and I am willing to sacrifice everything for you.

            All I want to say is choose me. Choose me because I choose you every single day. Now my brother's Words make sense. I know we can handle any kind of pressure as long as we have each other.
            Choose me no matter what. I love you, and I will always love you until the end of my time (no punctuation mark needed for my love does not start nor end here in this note)

            I'm yours, always

Love,
Me (No, really. Love me now, please! I am waiting)
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Dear, Love Me Dear, Love Me Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 4:00 PM Rating: 5

5 comments:

  1. grabe ang romantic nito. para sa aakin ba ito? ;) <3 <3 - Flim.... hahaha XD

    ReplyDelete
  2. "If a writer falls in love with you, you can never die ..."
    I think this is the best love letter I have ever read. Tami, the guy above is right--and romantic! :''')

    ReplyDelete
  3. Never fails to impress me, MISS TAN

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  4. One of your best blog posts ever!
    The best ones came from the heart. The rest is rooted from experience and imagination

    Here is a post that might inspire you as well I Lost my Virginity on my Wedding Night I hope you read Cosmo.... Cuz girl, you look like my star ;)


    LOVE LAVANDER

    ReplyDelete
  5. LOVE THIS SO MUCH <3 Never stop loving

    ReplyDelete

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Image Link [http://www.image-maps.com/m/private/0/mnbk1p5ttf1gkbef17rcercjb0_icon.png ] Author Name [© Tami] Author Description [Magazine Blogger. Your weekly dose from the slice of life: School, Love, and God; and a little bit of fashion.] Twitter Username [themtan] Facebook Username [lastingonmymind] GPlus Username [tamiyummy101] Pinterest Username [tamiyummy101] Instagram Username [themtan]