Seeing Through the Eyes of Pain

Seeing Through The Eyes Of Pain
By Michelle Tan
Grief has been revisiting me every now and then. I don't understand why he keeps on lurking and stalking me, as if he's courting me like an angel in disguise. And if he did it successfully, he'd surely defeat me.

And this is how it feels when the pressure is on you, attacking you, and your emotions are bursting. Tears begin to pool in your eyes and the saliva is flooding your inner mouth and you can't even swallow it. Your nose swells and air is hindered in each nostril. You're red. Your lips, your eyes, your nose. And your eyes are bulging. 
Suddenly, you taste your own tears and it tastes even more bitter than it is in reality. You don't look beautiful as you did before. Hands begin to shake endlessly and you can't figure out anything yet. You want to stop. Just. Stop. But you cannot. Why not? Is it because you're weak, you're vulnerable, you're depressed? No. It's because you can no longer see nor trust the same people who broke you. Tormented you. Or even "killed" you. They might have hid things from you, we don't know why. If it is for their intentions or self-pleasure. No one's sure.

How to start again is a big issue. Confusion rises. And it builds a gap between who you were before and who you were now. Apologize—who to start? When to start? Who knows what? Answers will be knocking soon. But not now. Now that you are still weeping like a lost puppy, or an insane traumatic victim or while your pride or dignity is in mess. You look pathetic. And crying might have caught people's attention, but it won't fix the bugs. Just hold on to the moment and let it all out, not in public though. Or it might contribute to your biggest humiliation slash regret in your memory.

This is what Grief did to me. But there is one thing he did positively to me. Even though he destroyed my inner capacity to love, to trust and to accept people, he made a promise. And this is, if you're wise enough, you'd figure it out. It is the strength to rise up again. He made me a bit smarter about the world and what's running in it.

We all cried and became depressed at one point or two. Keeping in mind the lessons we've learned should always be applied daily to prevent damage in whatever cause. If nobody can understand you, then find someone who can--yourself. Try to write on a piece of paper everything you want to say, how you feel, what runs in your mind. And if you have enough courage, give that person the piece of paper. If not, then find strength in something else without pulling others down or stepping onto someone else. Remember that crying id the first bitter step, and the hardest step is what lies after it.

Be mindful that people are people. We all make mistakes. But the best way to stand up everyday for this battle, is to love, trust, and accept yourself first. Try not to change just to please people. We live to be ourselves. Change because of your will, not because of pressure. And most importantly, there are things in life that are better shoulders to lean on than a mere person--a pillow and in your comforting bedroom.

So Grief, revisiting me isn't so bad after all. It's a constant reminder that I am a person. I do get hurt. And knowing he's purpose about his every visit is what makes me a mature and better person compared to what or who I was before.

Category: Drama, Acceptance, Tragic, People
Created and Finished: December 4, 2013

Seeing Through the Eyes of Pain Seeing Through the Eyes of Pain Reviewed by Michelle Tan on 8:49 PM Rating: 5

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